In Praise of Independents - or Why do Manuel and the Mail have it in for a certain maned male?

Firstly yes I have felt moved to comment on Russell Brand and second, no, I don't think its a big deal.

But I did love the bitchiness of the Independent's front page today 'Manuel's Revenge' - because that in essence is rather what this is all about.

Well that and what exactly we treasure as a nation and why.

Andrew Sachs incidentally hates being referred to as Manuel and loathes the fact that his apparently stellar career on stage and screen is often reduced to 12 episodes of slightly racist pastiche performed several decades ago.

He has said this. But this is his problem.

And he is a national treasure because of those 12 episodes. Not in fact because of all his lovely voice over work for Radio 4, or his serious stage work, or indeed all the other stuff that bought the house and educated the kids, etcetera.

Ah yes the kids - well the grand daughter to be exact. What exactly does she do again?

She's a dancer isn't she, by the name of Voluptua as it happens and she dances with the Satanic Sluts.

So I suppose I'm right to assume that she is a bit of a shrinking violet and probably spends her evenings working in a homeless shelter run by the church she attends every Sunday, with her granddad? ...Oh OK that was another Voluptua, well I'm sure she's lovely anyway, at any rate Russ seemed to think so - and lets face it he doesn't have to pay for it, does he?

Though I imagine the holy Voluptua did get paid for her recent revelations to The Sun, which included confirmation that she'd shagged Brand - or at any rate serviced his sexual needs in one way or another.

I suppose that after the Daily Mail had publicised the little-noted broadcast by Brand and Ross featuring their childish answerphone messages, Voluptua thought that there was little to be gained from maintaining that "they're just cads grandad and I in any case am still virgo intacta"
[as opposed to brando penetrata] .

Then I suppose its just a small step from there to telling the paper that features a half naked teenager most mornings, exactly who has been giving you one recently - and, naturally, what a cad they are.

Want more, see thelondonpapersblog or for a more 'eyecatching' approach see more of Voluptua at Hotties in the News:

Want Russell try http://www.russellbrand.tv/

The Independent incidentally also had two other killer headlines today: A backpage splash of 'Harry Houdini' on Tottenham's great escape from the Emirates last night (and possibly relegation) courtesy of the remarkable Mr Redknapp - who I still think is a bit of bastard for going to Tottenham but can't help respecting as a motivator of men, a manager who knows good footballers when he sees them, and an all round cunning devil.

The other was a vaguely approving bit of editorial comment entitled 'Brand Values' suggesting that Brand, by virtue of a well-timed resignation, was coming out of this rather better than the somewhat over-exposed Jonathan Ross.

But for all that I think this is a Daily Mail witchhunt led by an embittered old Queen [or two] the best reason to read and savour the Indy today had nothing to do with Brand or Ross, Sachs or Voluptua [somehow I feel there's another joke to be made about 'sacks' and voluptua but I'm sure it'd be bollocks really...].

No forget the fripperies of entertainment wars as the Tories look for excuses to humble the BBC anew in preparation for an easy start to their campaign of public service cuts once in power....

Instead read a true Independent, Russell can and will look after himnself and Jonathan is as rich as Croesus, but there are more important things going on in the world which demand I'm afraid greater attention....

Read Johann Hari instead on how we are fuelling the latest bloody round of the Congolese Resource War: Johann Hari: How we fuel Africa's bloodiest war